Comments on: Gray zones and sexlife in dementia

By: Gray zones and sexlife in dementia | racer2055's Blog

Gray zones and sexlife in dementia | racer2055's Blog — Sat, 26 Sep 2015 13:12:14 +0000

[…] Source: Gray zones and sexlife in dementia […]

By: Carrie Peterson

Carrie Peterson — Fri, 24 Jul 2015 10:58:16 +0000

It’s alright, learning is growing! It’s more respectful to say person living with dementia, person with dementia, someone who has dementia, etc. They have it, they are living with it, but it does not take away that they are still a person (just like you wouldn’t say “cancered”). Thanks for asking!

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By: controversialcook

controversialcook — Thu, 23 Jul 2015 19:17:48 +0000

Ahah.. Sorry about the word demented. English is not my mother language so i sometimes do such slips of the tongue. Sometimes they can be very funny and others totally inappropriate like in this case ^..^. But then what adjective should one use for a person with dementia?

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By: Carrie Peterson

Carrie Peterson — Thu, 23 Jul 2015 07:58:24 +0000

I agree with most of what you said, thanks for the comment. It’s a controversial topic, so it is apt that you comment, Controversialcook 🙂 I don’t think that having and raising children is the most important purpose of marriage, and I also don’t think that companionship stops with dementia. However, it is not uncommon that the spouse who does not have dementia begins to have unmet needs (companionship, meaningful relationships, intimacy, etc.). When this spouse takes a lover or another type of emotionally intimate companion, it can cause distress and tension in the family as well as in the spouse. Nearly everyone has an opinion on marriage and what “should” happen when one spouse is ill. It is also distressing if the spouse with dementia takes a new companion or lover while in the nursing home. I have heard many more people talk about this issue (how do I deal with my husband having a new girlfriend in the nursing home) than about the topic in this post. I think the important thing is that people find what works for them – not what they think others would expect of them. It’s not easy, it takes some soul-searching, and it’s important that they know they are not the only ones to ever have to figure this stuff out.
As a side note, I want to stay away from the word “demented,” if we can 🙂

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By: controversialcook

controversialcook — Wed, 22 Jul 2015 23:28:02 +0000

Marriage is only a social contract made for specific purposes. The most important is to have children and raise them. Once a wife or a husband is affected by dementia it practically stop to function as a companion therefore if a person with a demented partner wish to find another he/she is totally free to do so. If people of that age decide to have another partner is for companionship rather than sexual reasons, at least in the case of normal people, Therefore what the person is choosing to have is basically a friend. It’s important to have an independent mind and be free from restrictions and taboos imposed by society or religion otherwise one is simply a slave of them.

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